thesinger
thelyrics
thechords
themelody
foryou
you're
my song.
it's been so long.
i never had a chance to play this for you.
cos everytime the music starts,
i always cannot go with the tune.
and then you went away,
now the lyrics seem to stray.
so how can i not love you?
when i live just for you.
you took away the heart in me,
that once beat in harmony.
now, i am torn apart,
feeling unemotional somehow.
sometimes, i can't help but cry.
i miss the way we used to be.
and the sad part,
the song i made,
is just a music that will fade
welcome to candice's blog. you have now entered her world of emotions, let-gos and setbacks. please try to tag on the taggie and add happiness into her life and make sure she is not alone on this devastating path of her life. thank you.
hey there ppl, i know my blog's EMPTY. kinda. willl update it often and add more nice stuff soons kays? thanks. (:
and the reasonis you.
.candice.au.eong.tian.ying
.female.
.12goinon13.
.3/11/1992.
.ex-peihwa.current.rgs.bowling.waddlian.104er.
.likes happy endings.
.hates sad endings.
.alicia keys. christina aguilera.
.stressed.
.up.
.totally.
but everythingmeans nothing.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Today. is the first day of freedom. unleashed from the slog. from the sweat. the sorrow. the anxiety. the anger. it's the june hols. well NOT EXACTLY. i have to worry about MORE Things yeah? like bowling, catching up on school work and PIANO. the anger, sorrow, anxiety, sweat all still there lahs. the only thing is there is MORE time to play and work. and dun need to waste time in STEVENS. wadeva crap i'm talkin. TERM 2, a definitely memorable phase of time with events good and bad, lucky and unfortunate. so much things to say, i dunno what to say.
well let me start with bowling. the 2 roll offs just passed and i did TERRIBLY for both. BOTH i mean. it's like my ball isn't listening to me! well. i LOVE <3 bowling. but it gives me STRESS. ok. NOW what is stress? stress is a time when i can't breathe. when i think of all the upcoming events striding towards me. i just get stuck in the lungs. even your FAVOURITE sport gives you stress. This shows that LIFE is simple a STRESS. for us to face, overcome and to learn. but i can't do that so quickly. i have to adapt. esp when this is my first year in sec sch and the big diff is that the school is RGS. some ppl may be thinking: aiyah she lah. whole day say RGS so stressful, blah blah shit lah she's just trying to boast can? THINK WHATEVER YOU WANT MANN. you want a taste of it? COME LAH! ok. i sound really proud here. -.-
ppl think: oh. one semester gone already. so much time for you to adapt already wad. yah.. others can but I really can't. well ppl have different abilities which result in diff time spans to adapt! they think that everyone can be as capable as each other. and the ANSWER is NO. duh. and also. RGS mean was 268. hello? i got 265. that means i HAVE to be at a lower standard than others. Well not HAVE to but SUPPOSED to. it's just a basic inference anyways. ok, so back to bowling, i really <3 to see my captain titan's ball spinning with it's vibrant blue, baby blue and red. but time's like over. SERIOUS BABE. ok. i dun expect my self to be playing for the school in nats, but i seriously hope that i can be a reserve. reason 1: i have no ability to play for nats reason 2: if i heng heng get to play in nats, i will do the school shame. so. RESERVE - the right place for me. but if this june i train real hard and i find myself to be of standard to play for nats and i GOT chosen then i would go for it mann. i sound proud and selfish here but WHO cares? roll off one i was having cramps mann! that was like - so unfortunate? first, cramps on 2.4km run. second, cramps on roll off one. CAN THAT BE A COINCIDENCE? OBVIOUSLY FATE IS JUST TRYING TO TEASE ME OR SOMETHING MANNS. ok so i resigned to my fate lah and continued playing. i doubt i would be in the team. not even a reserve. SECOND ROOLL OFF. i had to use my new ball - roto grip super sonic - same as nic's ball - uncle jim chose it for me. i mean I'M NOT BLAMING ANYONE HERE. BUT I THINK: IF I PLAYED WITH TITAN, MAYBE MY SCORES WOULD BE A BIT BETTER. ok it's over, it's over. BOWLING ROX. but i hate going home. from kim seng. it's just one of the most horrid things. let me narrate to you just ONE of the journeys home kays? kays. 970 was packed like sardines. kiwi and nic went to stand at the big space while i still got stuck in the like front part of the bus. then i was about the hold the handle above me when the bus JERKED and i staggered to the left, where an AH BENG stood. not like those shuai and young AH BENG with earrings and tatoos all over but an old one. speaking rude Hokkien and reeked of smoke. i touched him , well just skimmed over his sleeve and he stared into my eyes with fire. i was PISSED LAH> i didn't BANG into him or something. i SKIMMED his sleeve. i was like, bu shuang ah? he was staring into me again lahs. kiwi and nic didn't see it but i was pretty sure i stared at him quite fiercely lahs. then the crowd moved. and i joined kiwi and nic. then this lady who came up the bus was like staring at the 3 of us peculiarly and frowning her eyebrows and staring at us again with that kind of feeling that we were CRIMINALS. then i said to kiwi and nic: look at that lady, she stare at us like that, crazy ah! then they turn around to look at her. then nic say: haha i think she feels weird that 3 ppl are wearing the same clothes or something. i was like: HELLO? haven't she heard of a UNIFORM? dictionary: a kind of clothing that looks entirely the same for students or ppl from the same society to wear so that they maintain discipline and order and work together more cohesively. i felt like reading that out loud to her. ARGH. ok and ppl continued to like stare at us. I SIMPLY HATE THAT. so that's the bad part about bowling.
NOW i'm going to talk about tat stupid mentality again. why must everything start with no. 1? I'M NOT BLAMING ANYONE FOR PUTTING MY NAME AT THE TOP OF THE LIST. i'm not particularly blaming anyone. but why the top name must GO FIRST? a speech, a performance, a desmostration, a representative, a leader, a group-in-charge... i mean, well ppl say it's good when you get chosen you gain more experience and learn more. but not EVERYTIME right? if only EVERYONE understand how i feel. I GET TOTALLY SICK OF IT.
well today is sat and i have the most clear description of yesterday so well let me talk about yesterday then. i was kinda late for school. reached stevens at 7.15 and i rushed to j block but everyone was moving towards parade. so i rushed and caught up. FIRST WAS MATHS> i was like stoning cos i was anticipating the last day of the semester and looking forward towards bowling. fine. i didn't get freaked out or anything. that last maths lesson was quite pleasant compared to others. then it was recess. i forgot what i ate. oh ya i ate two garlic rolls. and me, kim, shyuan, elaine, min, and chng yan were talking about disneyland's theme parks and comparing them to escape theme park .well ALTHOUGH i have not gone to the wadeva disneyland before, i know how exciting it is. and when i think of escape theme park, it's like. SINGAPORE:US = 1: 500. the compound of escape is like not even bigger than the compound of RGS and the design of the place is like yucks. and the rides are not even creative or anything. well. SINGAPORE IS A SAFE COUNTRY. but i dun see any blondes in ESCAPE. ok recess was over. we had to rush to the chem lab and did this experiment when we had to burn salt, green powder and some metal stuff over a bunsen burner. shirley was scared to light the burner as usual, i was scared too, but i did it. the heating of the thing was quite nice lah as in no heat felt, no fear. but the salt kept on crackling. the fun yet fearful part was when we were supposed to heat the metal wire thingy. it BURST into flames but in a few seconds it would have died down. quite scary at first but after all i found it quite fun. after chem was my HORROR. english. speech. 2 min. reg no one start first. ok that SUCKED. -flaring like a fighting fish- i was like i pray i pray. then to my relief she started with the group info report presentation which surprising took 3/4 of the lesson. but so? 15 min left. enough to fit 7 ppl and i was like 100% in that 7. even more surprisingly she decided not to do the speech and asked us to prepare over the holidays. i was like whoohoo~ and almost SCREAMED. but then she gave us extra homework and spent the 5 min in bet lessons teelling us some stuff. i hate it when teachers always take up that 5 min. that 5 min is to let us prepare and break for the next lesson. cos we study in an air conditioned room. if you don't move around for one hour, your legs will probably be numb and your pinafore all crumpled and your fingers will be too stale to write. but teachers for that whole one hour get to move around, stand up as they wish, blah. i know, we're students we just have to sit there and listen, and absorb the info and we have to be you jing shen to carry on for the next lesson but what about our physical status? if we're numb, our brains get numb. no one will be paying attention when the teachers are teaching. the teacher teaches for nothing end up who loses?the teachers! cos they spend so much effort in teaching but yet the students dun understand! (hmm i'm getting better at hilda table cause and effect analysis) mr connolly came in right after english and we were like aww man no chance to move around. but nice mr connolly gave us BACK the 5 min break and i walked one whole round around the classroom .sitting in front gives me more tension. you shld know. i dun know how to explain it lahs. lit was ok yesterday. first we got into groups and discussed what topic we wanted to do for lit pt. we got politics -.- it's like we din even know that we were supposed to go up to the whiteboard to write our choices down lah and we missed the chance to grab for our most desired topic lahs. hmmph! ok what over IS over. then we watched a group presntation by our seniors and then we watched like 5 min of richard the |||. then nice mr connolly let us off like 5 min earlier for us to prepare for assembly we were considerably early for assembly that day, not like other times lahs. i sat with elaine and mavis. mr michael chia came to talk about dehydration. ok i knew long time ago i was dehydrated and i was stoning, but i talked to lainey most of the time. i doubt half the ppl were listening. mavis was busily plucking joellyn's finger off the sticky hall floor. but joellyn seemed expressionless. soon it was time for the reports to be given out. it was like 1.55 and the bowling bus would be leaving at like, 2? and i still needed to change and all that ya knows. miss ha was kinda slow with handling the stuff. then she called us out by index. to take report. i was FIRST and at that precious moment i was somehow RELIEVED that i was reg no one and i chiong to classroom and go toilet and change and rush for the bus. then it was rolloff. yup so that's it for school day on friday. oh ya and my GPA was not bad. 3.14. i was HAPPY. yeah HAPPY. that's the word. NOT SATISFIED, NOT LOST FOR WORDS, NOT DEPRESSED, NOT VERY SHOCKED, NOT SCREAMING FOR JOY. just not sad. not excited. i mean it's like RGS, i dun care if i sound proud here but, it's RGS i'm one of the top 600 students in singapore. my expectations can't be that high. but i needa improve. but i dont expect myself to get a like gpa of 3.8 next term .just a 3.5 will do. cos that's an improvement. an IMPROVEMENT means that i had tried hard to get better grades. and even and improvement by one mark is STILL an improvement. some may say oh it's luck. but it's still an improvement after all, that's a FACT. well out of the 10 sec ones in raffles bolus 05, i was expectedly the worse. well i had 100% expected that. honestly i tell you with all my soul. i know i'm not very clever, i know i'm not dumb. but it just happens that ALL the peeps in bowling have higher average scores. yupp. so i'm happy after all. but somehow i sulked and i suck! oh yah and i forgot after roll off 2 me, nic, kiwi, kavita, and keshia went to kfc for dinner. we talked and laughed the whole time that i almost choked. -.- well that was one of the most memorable times in term 2 . roll offs were over, the term was over. quite relaxing. at that moment i decided not to think of other stressful things. yahs. when i went home i showed report to parents they were quite impressed and were happy that i passed all my subjects. -beam- SOMEHOW I'M ANGRY WITH THOSE WHO GET LIKE GPA 3.6 STH AND SULK THE WHOLE DAY. but maybe they have their ku zhong yahs? yah and the day ended ok. i watched tv the whole night. and slept at a highly early time - 10pm. the last night of term 2. i din need to stay up late and stare at the screen and type type type. not posting like now, but typing drafts and projects. when i slept i look at the clock. wow just 10pm. normally when i loooked at the clock the hour hand would be on the other half of the clock face. BWAHAS. so term 2 ended officially with ME LOOKING AT THE CLOCK FACE AND GRINNING AT HOW EARLY I SLEPT. A PEACEFUL ENDING TO A HUSH TERM.
sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i had died. really. like what i would become after i died. what does it feel like to die. what does it feel like to stop breathing and leave this world. is it true that we get to heaven or hell after we leave? is it true that there are 18 levels of hell? how do ppl know? unless they have gone there and come back to tell the others. well that's rather illogical isn't it? sometimes when i'm staring at this screen and i wonder, how do these letters and pictures appeared on this plastic plate? why are man so clever to invent all thse fascinating things? how does the cursor move? what is a 'click'? then i look around me and ask myself many more qns. this makes me think of history. mr wolfe is leaving with miss agnes lim to canada to enjoy their holiday. he's a good teacher. sad.
ONE SENTENCE TO CONCLUDE THIS POST: THIS JUNE HOLS, I BETTER IMPROVE MY STATE OF THINKING AND SPEND THE TIME FRUITFULLY.
if i ain't got you|8:05 PM
i've waitedall my life.