thesinger
thelyrics
thechords
themelody
foryou
you're
my song.
it's been so long.
i never had a chance to play this for you.
cos everytime the music starts,
i always cannot go with the tune.
and then you went away,
now the lyrics seem to stray.
so how can i not love you?
when i live just for you.
you took away the heart in me,
that once beat in harmony.
now, i am torn apart,
feeling unemotional somehow.
sometimes, i can't help but cry.
i miss the way we used to be.
and the sad part,
the song i made,
is just a music that will fade
welcome to candice's blog. you have now entered her world of emotions, let-gos and setbacks. please try to tag on the taggie and add happiness into her life and make sure she is not alone on this devastating path of her life. thank you.
hey there ppl, i know my blog's EMPTY. kinda. willl update it often and add more nice stuff soons kays? thanks. (:
and the reasonis you.
.candice.au.eong.tian.ying
.female.
.12goinon13.
.3/11/1992.
.ex-peihwa.current.rgs.bowling.waddlian.104er.
.likes happy endings.
.hates sad endings.
.alicia keys. christina aguilera.
.stressed.
.up.
.totally.
but everythingmeans nothing.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Cdiv o5
i admit it was terribly sickening to watch your batchmates play while you are standing there shouting out for all you can getting warnings for teachers from other schools marking school work not to shout right into their ears. the whole week was an experience somehow expected, for i now learnt that what things you expect them to be will not happen. things that you wanted to do during cdiv, you forgot, no chance, never do. simple as that. instead, worse things happen. after four whole days of shouting our heads off, i didn't feel anything. i don't know why. no inspiration, no joy, sorrow, worry. its just NOTHING. why? a simple reason - i didn't even contribute to anything so why must i feel anything? its like IF we had gotten first, i wouldnt feel much joy. COS i didn't even play. AND i'm not being petty here, but all those numerous amounts of training - yet i didn't get in. and those trainings during the june hols were totally time consuming, not mentioning the irritating public transport taking an even longer time than a single training. and. missing four days of school is equal to being hospitalized for four days. i seem oblivious to anything in school the past week. don't understand what the others are talking about in terms of schoolwork and other new rumours and stuff. i don't know but i feel 'bad' (not guilty) sacrificing so much time for not being able to share the joy/sorrow of the team. i feel totally depressed. and my homework is going down and no one, obviously most of RGS girls are selfish and kiasu, wouldn't be that kind to spend fifteen minutes of their precious time teaching me what is solutions and suspensions. i cried when waiting for the guest of honor with nic. i think people think that i think madly. how can a girl not playing in the comp cry for no good reason? i couldn't control lah. but maybe not. maybe it was an unleash of all my troubles and thoughts the past few days of comps. the feeling of inferiority i guess. and now, i don't know what i'm living for.
Racial Harmony Day Concert 2o05
Its probably the most unreasonable concert ive ever participated in. behind those few seconds of standing there shouting a food name were many frowns, shouts of frustrations, worries and a total waste of time. i don't know WHAT and HOW we can learn about other countries' culture just dressing up as a dish and standing there for five seconds shouting pathetically. i was an EGG. ok we did gado gado and it consists of eggs, veggies, beansprouts, peanut sauce, potato and tofu. i don't know exactly HOW we can turn into eggs and veggies by wearing yellow or green. we have a face. they do not. we can talk. they do not. and i bet there were many smiles of: what freaky sec ones putting up such a freaky performance. reason: those freaky performances were caused by some friggin ideas, threats and those stupid rehearsals. let me explain them one by one. ideas. i don't know HOw they actually thought of FOOD this idea. its totally impossible that we look like food. and i bet we just looked like a bunch of colourful people standing on the stage glaring innocently to the wholelot of audience, but inside hatred and agony, preparing to rush out of the stage when our shouting ends to end the embarrassment of doing such a silly thing in front of all our seniors. threats. they threatened: DETENTION! if you don't join the rehearsals, regardless whether you have third lang or cca. if you go for third lang, your third lang would be cancelled automatically by the school! oooo. what great threats. i'm SCARED. what nice threats. if they want us to be all rounded people, they shouldn't actually let us do such a meaningless performance which i don't think adds to one of the new abilties we've learnt in this 'wondrous' school of abilities. and rehearsals. what we mostly done was dry weather and wet weather gathering.i think that's the most dumb thing ever. cos the main thing is the performance. monday was quite a reasonable day as we were let off at 5.but there was a totally reflecting lecture that led me to many thoughts. one of the sentences kept ringing: if you don't have the rafflesian fighting spirit to go on with this performance, YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE. the 'you are in the wrong place' just keeps echoing. well personally i think i AM in the wrong place. maybe i shouldn't be in RGS at all. i don't know lah. its like ive been looking forward to coming here, working hard, being successful... but its like everything happened not what i expected. RGS is just a normal school, with an equal amount of injustices, mad rules, just like any other school. i don't see the need for people to cry if they think they can't get into RGS as besides RGS there are many other ways to become successful in life. tuesday. a five second performance on stage, turned out to be a 3.59.55 wait. and i reached home at eight thirty. thursday we were let off at around 5 which was OK. ok so yesterday i embarrassed myself totally being an EGG. and i felt helpless that i had to let myself succumb to such lousy type of performance which held no meaning into my life. to me, its a great lesson learnt. if i ever get to organise an activity, i would always think about the students' thinking and feelings and organise a more FUN activity and not let them stay back until so late. ok so after the performance we had recess and then we had to go to the malaysia and india classrooms to learn about the cultures there. they played movies which i did not understand, put food that i didn't like and games that were dangerous, as a few girls were aiming the ball at my head?! ok NOT critisizing any race here but i felt they could have made the place bigger?? and then the main purpose of us going there was to collect the stickers that we NEEDED to get out of the school compound to go and unleash from all the pain, anger and agony absorbed in us the past week. ok so that 20 min of faked interest in culture was gone and we had to go for our different activites we had chosen. most of us chose henna painting and when i stepped into the gym room i knew it was all over. it seems like hundreds of people were totally stuck there queueing up for some totally unprofessional henna painting people. ok but we stil had to queue up and after a terribly long wait, we couldn't even get to get a drip of the smelly gel onto an inch of our skin. but we still got our stickers. but you see, expecting things do NOT happen. i expected myself to step out of the school with nice nice henna paintings on my hands with a big big smile and a happy heart. what turned out to be no henna paintings on my hands with a sulk face and an angry heart.
you may think that i mai yuen everything that happen in my life but no, this is how i feel and my purpose is to write down what i feel.
`pain is what it takes to soar; but i can no longer take it anymore; spreading my wings to fly; all i can do is dream for the sky
if i ain't got you|8:08 AM
i've waitedall my life.