thesinger
thelyrics
thechords
themelody
foryou
you're
my song.
it's been so long.
i never had a chance to play this for you.
cos everytime the music starts,
i always cannot go with the tune.
and then you went away,
now the lyrics seem to stray.
so how can i not love you?
when i live just for you.
you took away the heart in me,
that once beat in harmony.
now, i am torn apart,
feeling unemotional somehow.
sometimes, i can't help but cry.
i miss the way we used to be.
and the sad part,
the song i made,
is just a music that will fade
welcome to candice's blog. you have now entered her world of emotions, let-gos and setbacks. please try to tag on the taggie and add happiness into her life and make sure she is not alone on this devastating path of her life. thank you.
hey there ppl, i know my blog's EMPTY. kinda. willl update it often and add more nice stuff soons kays? thanks. (:
and the reasonis you.
.candice.au.eong.tian.ying
.female.
.12goinon13.
.3/11/1992.
.ex-peihwa.current.rgs.bowling.waddlian.104er.
.likes happy endings.
.hates sad endings.
.alicia keys. christina aguilera.
.stressed.
.up.
.totally.
but everythingmeans nothing.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
whoots. have not been blogging for more than a week. the first week of school was somehow slack and homework was little. well. bowling was like 3 times a week. and also this week i escaped so many boundaries like eng speech and french controle results. but this week had bad news and failures, misunderstandings, and confusion. bowling results were announced yesterday.i'm the first reserve. whoah. i can't forget the moment when the whole team was sitting on the lanes. sweating, watery eyes. keen on knowing the TRUTH. i din cry. at least i was not the odd one out. but there's a reason i didn't cry which i'm not supposed to write here cos its confidential. whatever. i was feeling alright. cos i din expect myself to get chosen in the team. cos that time i kept throwing my ball UPWARDS during those two hateful trainings. and so i had a basic expectation of myself. be a reserve, even the last one doesnt matter. and when i knew i was first reserve, it was lke, i could have done so much better and got into the team. but FATE is FATE. i just have to accept reality. monday training i cried. not because of the blister. it was the agony of not able to play well. not well. but can't even roll the ball onto the lanes lke a beginner. not a beginner. a little kid squatting there using both hands to roll the ball on the lane. that was a really crucial training. tears just kept dropping. thankfully, only some of my batchmates saw me cry. haha i think of mandy moore's cry. it was then did i realise; that forever was in your eyes. hais. that wasnt forever. it was doom. being the only one out of the team isnt exactly a good thing you know. weds training. uncle jim had to put medicine for me. hahs. it was really bitingly painful. and i threw my ball up damn lot of time. at that moment, i wanted to cry. but i tried. and i didn't cry! well i knew what to expect of my position in the team at that moment. however, yesterdays training was somehow ok. although my hand was still painful, i scored my high game. actually, aunty cat had ordered us to do the freakingly tricky four step for an hour. but i couldnt do it. cos we had to swing the ball like freakingly many times before we could carry out the combination of leg hand walking. and my blister skin had been peeled off by me, so the flesh was fresh. i have sweaty fingers. so what do you think? every swing, the pain seeps into the wound, through the nerves, into my heart. with the pain, i couldnt concentrate and ended up failing almost everytime. i told uncle jim the prob, and he put the stinging medicine again and added a plaster on my poor thumb. he said i need not do the four step. that was GREAT news totally. good news was i didn't even throw my ball up once! whoo hoo! ok. everyone was playing quite badly as we didn't have the strength and determination to play as well as we could. so what if we got a perfect game. the team was there. cannot be changed. so try ur best for wad?! the 5 reserves and three sec twos will have to play in the national league every sat after nats! yay! that sounds like fun. but when i think about it. i sulk. not that i'm selfish or wad but my results are going down the hill and i have piano exam and please we have to lag the two balls to wherever we're playing. which i don't think will be kimseng. if it's kimseng, ha! i will kneel down and thank the organisers. yesterday's trainig, not talking about bowling, was a total horror. well i ccan't say it. but i'm ANGRY about it. because, that person's just damn figishly unreasonable and i somehow feel like screaming at her.
expectations --> what are they? hahs. expectations is the thing that causes stress. i just feel that a day of school is a stress. like, lessons, presentations, homework, rush here and there and others. but i don't think expectations is the main cause, well for my case. i think it's the competitive environment around me that causes all that stress. my expectations --> to pass everything, every test, quiz, assessment, worksheet. some may say: why you have such low EXPECTATIONS? its just so reasonable right? i mean my psle score is below the mean, so i SHOULD get lower than others. you may think: but the principal had once said, when you start a life in rgs, every starts at the same starting line. oh pls, people run much faster than me. now you may think: then you must try harder wad... ITS NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO, IT'S JUST THAT I CAN'T. i always use 'not adapted to rgs life' as an excuse for myself. well it's somehow true. somemore, in pri sch i did not have a cca. and everyday after school, i'll take a school bus home, eat lunch, do homework, assessment books, preparing for psle. it's like i reach home at 2 everyday. and school is not that tiring. and now, i have to take public transport home (not mai yuen-ning anything) during the peak hours. and get stared at ppl for my big school bag/ bowling bag and squeeze through inconsiderate ppl standing like an ape at the door. that day i had a really funny and bad experience can. it was a bad bad bad training. which somehow unknowingly caused misunderstanding betweeen me and *****. and then raining heavily so me and nic decided to go to foodcourt to do stuff. and then we waited very long for 970, which was packed like damn shit. so, we were stuck at the back. and there was this big indian guy, fat one, putting his two bold arms above his head holding the railing on top of the exit of the bus. occupying the whole space for ppl to exit. and when i had a hard time squeezing out of the long long trail of ppl and i got the door, he didn't want to move, well i think he didnt see me. i was pissed. i said excuse me at least 3 times. no action from him. i poked him (well i was not sure why i had the guts and authority to touch him like that) and he stared with me with his dirty and yellow eye whites. i stared at him back. well i didn't know what i looked like. and he gave way and i stepped down. argh. where was i? oh ya. trying harded to catch up with the other runners.it's just too difficult for me. i'm not up to the standard yet. so i just have to TRY MY BEST.
if i ain't got you|1:06 PM
i've waitedall my life.